Putting my blog on hold for a min.

I have been enjoying my new baby so much, and I’ve try to still find time for my beautiful daughter and wonderful husband, which has been challenging.

I need to put my blog on hold for a while, and I’ll have to catch up on it later.

Thanks for all your support on this. It has truly been an amazing journey!

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Tal’s First Night/Nursery

After a few hours of our sweet baby’s birth, we were all moved to a room on the postpartum unit. Both Alice and I wanted to stay together as much as possible. The five of us (Dan, Alice, Gordon, me, and baby) stayed together and received visitors, according to how Alice was feeling. Of course we were all on a high, and visitors were welcome.

I wanted to give Alice and Dan the room to themselves for the night, so they could get some good sleep. The staff set Gordon and I up in a room. The room was not set up for patients; it didn’t have any heat or call lights, so Gordon and I took turns thru the night in the nursery with the baby. Whoever was not with the baby in the nursery got a few hours of sleep.

Metallic was having a little trouble with the extra fluid he had swallowed, so we didn’t feel comfortable just leaving him in the nursery. He seemed to choke easy. We wanted to be able to be right there for him, because we were having to suction out his mouth quite frequently.

Plus, I didn’t want to leave him at all, but it was nice to have daddy there with him so I could get some rest.

Skin To Skin/Bonding Time

At my request, the nurses had previously set up some curtains to give Alice privacy while she was pushing, and Gordon & I privacy so we could do skin-to-skin with the baby.

Gordon was able to be present during most of the labor. During birth, while Alice was pushing, he was behind the curtains to give her privacy. He wasn’t able to be in the room when I had Destynee, so he never had a chance to see labor or experience the birth of a baby.
Alice allowed him to experience it thru his ears and emotions. He was overwhelmed with the whole experience. There was a very intense, beautiful feeling in the room, and he could feel it.

Here I came, holding our baby boy! He was perfect! A normal, healthy baby!!! Daddy and mommy were able to do skin-to-skin, and the staff left us alone with him for the most part. He was having a little struggle coughing and throwing-up some fluid that he had swallowed. After he got most of it up, I was able to nurse him. He latched right on!!! I couldn’t believe a brand-new baby already knew how to nurse. I felt so much joy!!! I got to have a very different experience with him, then I had had with Destynee.

A healthy, full-term, beautiful, baby boy!!! Thank you Alice, Thank you!!!

Overload of Emotions!

As my beautiful baby boy entered the world, I had a complete visual of a baby elephant. What??? He was enormous, 9.9lbs!!! His head came out, and then each limb came out, one at a time. Arm, arm…Leg, leg…. It was like he was too big to come out all at once. It was awesome!!! What a thrill!!
But poor baby mamma, ouch!!!

All at once, the tears I had been holding back for 30 hours, came pouring out. I felt euphoric and stunned all at the same time. I didn’t feel completely in my body. I was in shock!

I cut the cord, and they put him on baby mamma’s belly to clean him off. I had to get to Alice….. I wrapped my arms around her and we both cried our eyes out…. I was pretty hysterical!!! Emotional overload!!!!

The doctor immediately gave me my baby, and the nurse guided me to the chair. Waiting for me behind the curtains, was daddy, anxiously waiting to see his new baby boy!

Miracle Number Two!

After 30 hours of long, hard labor, my second miracle arrived! It’s a boy!!! Gordon Metallic, miracle number two!!!

After 28 hours, we were all exhausted, but nobody could complain. We knew that our exhaustion couldn’t touch the exhaustion, Alice, our wonderful baby mamma, felt….. And now it was time to push! She had given it all she had, and now had to give some more… WOW! She is so strong, and did such an amazing job.

It was torcher for me to watch her go thru all of it. I so badly wanted to take all the pain from her, and wished that I could trade her places. She was going thru all this for me, and I did not want her to have a bad experience. I tried to hold back the tears, and the guilt I felt for putting her thru this. Yet, I knew in my heart that she chose this experience, and I had to be okay with it.
There was nothing I could do to change it at this point; all I could do was help her thru it. Alice had her wonderful husband, our sister as a coach, our hypnobirthing instructor, my husband, and myself during her labor for support. We made an excellent team, but Alice made it all possible.

It was truly a beautiful experience, and I feel honored that she allowed me to be at the birth. I got to be a part of the birth of my second miracle, Gordon Metallic.

My Trusted OB Is Leaving!!!/Learning To Trust Again

We saw our OB doctor yesterday. He checked Alice to see how far she was dilated. He said, “Um.. I’ll give you a 1 if you want”. She’s maybe a 1 on dilation and not effaced at all! What? I thought she would at least be a 3…???

The important one, Baby mamma, said, “I won’t be surprised if I go over, I feel too good!”
Well, as long as she is comfortable and content, then I’m great waiting a little longer. Hopefully, she can stay comfortable until her and baby are ready.

Dr. Draper said he wouldn’t be surprised if she was still pregnant when he got back in town. He also told us that, being selfish, he really hoped that Alice would still be pregnant so he could be there.

Back in town!!! What the hell did that mean? Our OB, kindly let us know that he was going to be leaving out-of-town ON our due date, and wouldn’t be back for nine days. What the hell kind of timing is that!!

My mind started spinning in way too many directions. A lot could happen!…. I needed him there!!!
Having Dr. Draper at the delivery, was of the utmost importance to me!!! It is a MUST!!!

I tried to talk him out of going, but unfortunately, it was work related and he had to go. He reassured me that he would communicate to the OB team all the birth plan details, as well as the legalities of the unique surrogacy situation. He told me that the most important things, was for baby mamma and my baby to be safe, and that they would be under great care.

Nothing he said comforted me at all! I could not believe this was happening. Why is this such a big deal?? I felt frantic!!!

After we left, I was able to talk to Alice about it. She’s such an amazing support for me!
I realized that the desperate feelings of needing him there, was coming from my previous experience with my hysterectomy.
After my hysterectomy, I had a lot of thoughts about whether the doctors did everything they could to save my uterus.
Because I knew Dr. Draper, and I KNEW that he did everything he could to save it, those thoughts were alot less intense and didn’t have the power to completely drown me in my sorrows. I had a great relationship with him during my pregnancy with Destynee, and after that, he continued to be an important source of support for me.

I only had the hysterectomy experience to compare to this experience, and I felt scared that another doctor wouldn’t do everything they could to make this experience great.

Well, once again I could not control the situation and got another opportunity to put my trust in God. I knew that He would handle it, and asked that He would allow whatever was in the best interest for everyone involved to happen.

10 more days!!! Jeeze! I am so READY!!! On the other hand, that would mean Dr. Draper would be there, sweet!!! We’ve been working on this pregnancy since June `09, so what’s one more week or 10 days……We can do this!

I Want To Nurse My Baby/Started Pumping

I want to nurse my baby, and the lactation specialist that I’m working with told me I had a good chance of making it happen!!! She said I should start getting drops of milk in by two weeks. I am amazed that it’s even a possibility!

I’ve been taking lots of herbs (fenugreek, blessed thistle, mother’s milk tea, alfalfa, red raspberry tea) for over four weeks now, and started on a medication (Reglan) a week ago.

I’ve also been pumping for over three weeks now 8-10 times a day, every two hours for 15-20 minutes each time. Ouch! Oh my hell, ouch!
And nothing, no milk!

What the heck am I doing wrong? My baby’s due tomorrow, and I don’t have any milk for him….

I’m really trying not to stress about it, cuz I know that doesn’t help at all. I just wish I was getting something out, anything at all would at least let me know that I have a chance.

I don’t know if I should give up or wait and see if my baby, the real thing, can help bring it in…????

Home Sweet Home

I got back from the 10 day Vipassana meditation sit, WOW! It was intense. A few days after we got back home, I started noticing how calm and peaceful I was. Things that would regularly set me off, didn’t seem to bother me at all. Magically my perception on several things in my life began to change. What a great experience!

We were actually gone for two weeks including travel time. Our car broke down the first night. We got stuck in this tiny town in the middle of nowhere. The people were very nice, but they didn’t have many resources. It took us about 12 hours to get our car back on the road. And you can imagine with 8 women how that went……..

Anyway, while I was gone, it was completely torturous to be without my husband and daughter. Even harder, was the fact that my unborn baby could come at anytime. I was not able to contact her or Gordon to make sure everything was okay. Gordon checked on her every day, and had an emergency number if he needed to contact me. He even took Alice flowers. What a stud!!! Alice was 36 weeks when I got back.
Still, not to be able to call home, gave me plenty of time to make up all kinds of stories in my head. Exhausting!!!

Well, I’m back and my lil’ stud stayed right where he needed to be. He waited for his mommy to get back, and is still loving the environment he’s in. Thanks Baby Mamma!

What’s Going On???/The Crazys

Alice had to get back to her girls and I had to go to work, so we all left right after. It felt awkward to all of us. I felt like I was leaving my baby.

Gordon asked if he could take me to breakfast and talk about everything before I went to work. He could see that I needed to talk. He was so sensitive to my needs, and so sweet to listen to my crazy thoughts and feelings.

I couldn’t figure out why there was only one, and why I was even slightly disappointed about how many babies there were. Why couldn’t I just be thrilled that we were pregnant. A flood of guilt drenched me for having the thought. What was my problem??? I could have thought myself to death and Gordon knew it.

I was able to talk to him and get clarity about it.
Of course I wasn’t disappointed that there was only one. What a miracle in itself!!!
I found myself still stuck in the process, the detail, the work of it all. I couldn’t just BE with it. My disappointment came from doing all this unnatural, unpleasant, and painful stuff, trying to get her pregnant. I wanted a two for one deal, right?….. Once I realized how fucked up my thought process had been, I immediately got back into my heart and instantly became ecstatic that we were going to have another beautiful healthy baby. YAY!!!

Gordon insisted out of pure excitement, that he wanted to send out a mass text. “We’re going to have a baby!!!” What a gem!!!

7 Week Ultrasound/ How Many Babies???

We are already 7 weeks!!!??? That’s awesome!!! We had to wait three weeks from the time we found out we we’re pregnant, and now we’re considered seven weeks along! I love it! Once the embryo transfer was done, we were considered two weeks along.

We decided to have Destynee go with us to the ultrasound, so she could see what we were talking about. She has been so excited about getting a lil’ brother or sister. I called Alice to make sure she was okay with her coming.

As we all anxiously waited in the room for the doctor, I started to wonder how I would feel if there was only one. With all the time, effort, energy, money & emotions put into the whole process, we were really looking forward to twins. It felt like we deserved it. (I know that sounds ungrateful, but I’m being honest.)

Here comes the vaginal ultrasound, cuz we were only seven weeks. Poor baby mamma 😦 As the doctor searched around for the anticipated result, all of our hearts were beating out of our chest…….. Finally…. we heard a heart beat!!! We all just sat there in bliss, listening to such a sweet sound. Before I could even explain to my three year old what was going on, the precious sound was gone…….I think we all stopped breathing for a second.
The picture was still on, but the sound had been turned off. (I think because they don’t want to disturb such a tiny fetus.)

There it was, a picture of ONE healthy baby!!! It looked more like a fuzzy peanut. The doctor searched for a second…….There was only one.
I was kinda confused. It didn’t make sense??? I was so sure we would have twins… Everyone was so sure…