Small Quantities of Joy

Although I tried to accept the reality of it all, I continued to be consumed in the darkness that haunted me. I didn’t feel like myself, and I didn’t know how to get me back….

My sweet baby girl brought me alot of joy. I was so grateful to have her. I thought about how it would feel to experience the loss empty-handed, without any children at all…The moment I allowed myself to be lit up by Destynee’s presence and love, I was tragically reminded of how I ruined her life as well. I couldn’t seem to stay on top.

My loving, supportive husband stood by my side like a strong anchor. He continued to reassure me with what I did give our family and all the things I sacrificed to get Destynee here. He never once mention anything negative that had come from it. He always told me how grateful he was that we were both alive and here with him.

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Destynee’s Coming Home!!!

Destynee came into this world struggling, and fighting for everything she had. She came with such strength and determination, and it paid off.
She came home January 17th, 8 weeks later. She was still on oxygen and had a hard time nursing, but she was home!
The first day home, we stared in awe at our precious angel. She really was our baby, and now we felt it. We are finally parents!!! There was a peace that came over both of us, as we relaxed into our own environment.
We soaked up every second with her, and engulfed ourselves in her sweet spirit.

Not Enough Milk, Time, or Strength

I had a really hard time getting my milk in, and what I did get, was a few drops after pumping for 20 minutes straight. Between getting my rest, and pumping (what seemed like constantly), I only had enough strength to go see my baby about once a day. Every day, I felt like a failure, and I wondered if Destynee was getting everything she needed. My heart was struggling, I couldn’t hold any food down, and I had a bowel obstruction that they thought they might have to do surgery on.
I was torn between surviving and being a mother…….

Gordon was doing an excellent job at giving both of us everything he possibly could, physically and emotional.