Loving My Ovaries

As my ovaries returned back to normal size, I could still feel that they weren’t strong. It was like they were begging me for help…I didn’t know what they needed, but I had recognized a pattern that I tend to do with my body. When something doesn’t work perfectly, I unconsciously generate negetive thoughts and feelings towards it. I am becoming more aware of it, and I’m wanting to love my body for what it does do for me.

As I recognized and became conscious of the negetive energy I was sending my ovaries, (because I thought they failed me), I immediately knew that I needed to change what I was doing, thinking, & feeling. I began appreciating them for going thru what they did, and for being strong enough to go thru it again. I sent them lots of love and gratitude.

I instantly noticed a difference in how I felt, and how my poor little ovaries felt.

By this time, I didn’t have a whole lot of time before we could start another cycle of medications. Alice and I had been on birth control again for about a month and a half. I had another vaginal ultrasound to see if my ovaries were ready and back to thier normal size, so we could start the fertility injections again.

My ovaries felt fragile, but according to the doctors, I was ready. I was anxious to start again, in hopes that this would be it. I was very excited to get my surrogate mother pregnant.

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The Conclusion Around Experience with Destynee’s Pregnancy

18 Months So innocent!
2 Years Old What a DOLL!

As the months went by, I became more and more at peace with what life had to offer me. Of course, I had my bad days, but they became more rare and with less intensity each time. I stopped living in the past and future, and started living right here in the present! My heart is full of tremendous happiness with my more than amazing husband, Gordon, and my piece of heaven on earth, Destynee Noel. She has and will continue to teach me all that I need to learn from her. I believe our children have much more to teach us then we could ever imagine teaching them. We just need to listen and be willing to learn from them.
2 1/2 Years Old Destynee & Mommy!
3 Years Old The Love of Our Lives!!!

Holding Our Angel for the First Time!

Dec 8th, Destynee is a week and a half old. She was doing so well that she was able to get off the CPAP and was put on oxygen. Both me and Gordon got to hold our angel for the first time. Neither of us ever wanted to let her go. For the first time, we were able to pour all the built-up love we had been saving inside, for her. It was a huge sigh of relief to be able to hold her, and it was what we were both needing very badly. She brought us a piece of heaven with her sweet spirit.

This precious moment seemed to be gone way to fast……Every time we got a chance to hold her, the nurses would come to either check her vitals or tell us she needed rest.

Her daddy got to feed her the first bottle. It was the first time she was able to get any nutrition orally. The next day, they let me breast feed her. She didn’t do very well, but I didn’t have much to work with.

Shortly after that, she moved to an open crib. She still needed her sleep to grow, so unless she was eating or awake, we couldn’t hold her. She woke very easily, was sensitive to everything, and had a really hard time adjusting because of all the stimulation (bright lights, alarms, people talking, etc).

The Untouchable Treasure/What a Miracle!

Destynee Noel was our greatest treasure. We could touch her soft skin and tell her everything would be okay, but the love that we had for her, had to be stuffed deep down inside us.

As we stared at her, we were overcome with graditude. This magnificant creation of God that we worked so hard to protect, is finally here, and doing so well. Even though we couldn’t hold her, we felt like our family was NOW complete:)

Mommy and Baby Bonding/The Gift of Love

It was killing me not to be able to see my baby, and at the same time, I did not realize how long it had been. All I knew was that I still hadn’t seen my angel. Destynee wasn’t doing well, and neither was I.

The NICU nurses started getting very concerned, because she started going down hill again and they didn’t know why. One of them made it very clear, that she thought that Destynee desperately needed to bond with her mommy. They knew I wasn’t strong enough to walk or even get into a wheelchair.


I remember being so excited, and at the same time, scared to death to see her. I didn’t know if I was mentally or emotionally strong enough to see her. I wanted to be strong for her, and I just wasn’t.

I wanted so bad to hold her, and tell her everything was going to be okay…..She looked so fragile, I barely dared to touch her……. After I left, I felt stronger, yet more torn than ever. I couldn’t bare to be away from her, but I had no choice. I knew that we both had a long way to go before we could really be there for each other.

Gordon came back about an hour later, and excitedly told me, that she was drastically doing better and that her heart calmed right down. The NICU nurses were amazed!!! She stabilized moments after I touched her, and she started progressing rapidly.

Gordon was our sticky glue that kept us all together. He would run from my room, to the NICU and back, all day long. He was our ROCK.