Going Home/Freedom

I started doing better after about a week on antibiotics. I was able to start moving my bowels and didn’t have to have another surgery. (PHEWW!) I dropped about 20 lbs. of water weight in 4 days, and I could feel it. My heart and kidneys were getting stronger.

Women are usually in the hospital for 2-3 days for a normal c-section, I was in for 10 days. Although I still had a long recovery ahead of me, I was ecstatic to go home (actually, I went to stay with my mom for awhile). After 14 weeks on bedrest, and 2 1/2 months in the hospital, I was FREE!!!……I felt like shit, but I was FREE!

We had accumulated so much stuff over the 2 1/2 months in the hospital, that it took Gordon two full trips out and filled up our whole car.

Barely Surviving

After about two days, the nurses made me get up. They wanted to monitor my weight. I was so swollen from my heart, that I weighed more than when I was pregnant. They were giving me lasix (a diuretic), but were very worried about my heart and kidneys.
I got up, but couldn’t walk much. I was excited to be able to see my baby whenever I wanted. I had only seen her once, and she was three days old. I felt like such a bad mom….

Gordon took me in a wheelchair, down to the NICU. I could stand up to see my precious baby for about five minutes, and then could sit in the chair for about a half an hour. I couldn’t see her very well sitting, but it felt good to be near her. They wouldn’t let us hold her….I often wondered if she was really mine….I stared at her, wondering if I would ever be able to hold her and take care of her like my motherly instincts desperately wanted to. Through the tubes and wires, I watched her closely for each breath.

When I got back from seeing her the first day, I told the nurses that I wanted to go down at least five times a day…..I made it ONCE…… I couldn’t pull strength from anywhere. It devastated me….. It felt as though both of us were barely surviving:(