High Hopes/IS IT A Possibility?

So now I had seven eggs (follicles) that were big enough to use, but the doctors needed to check and see if they were all mature.

Estradiol (estrogen) is the primary sex hormone of childbearing women. It is formed from developing ovarian follicles. Labs were done right away to check my estrogen levels. Each mature egg has 200-600, but should have at least 200.

The results took a few hours to get in, so home we went to wait it out……….I tried not to think about it. It was driving me crazy!

The nurse called me a few hours later…….My estrogen levels were only 1180, which meant that five eggs might be mature. Also, if some of the eggs were carrying more than 200 each in them, then some of the five may or may not be mature…??????????

I couldn’t believe we were going through this again. So Fucking stressful!!!!

This was a familiar and extremely uncomfortable place……….

Grow Eggs Grow

Here we were again, our second cycle and in the third week of fertility injections. Again, Alice’s ultrasound showed a very healthy, ready uterus.

My first ultrasound, showed four almost ready eggs, and a few more that had potential. The results were better than the first cycle, but again, the doctors expected more from the amount of medication they had me on. Better’s good, and we’ll take it!

The next day, and another vaginal ultrasound. There was only one more ready egg. The doctors wanted to give it a few more days.

The next day, there wasn’t much change, and the fourth day, it showed two more. The doctors were very optimistic that they thought they could use my eggs this time. They were pleased with seven, and said they had been successful before with only seven.

Gordon kept telling me, “We only need ONE embryo to survive, babe.” He was very supportive, but it was so scary risking all that money. I knew we didn’t have the money to do the process over if none of the eggs survived….

Second Round/Try Again….

Same routine and same medication, only this time, the doctors increased my dosage. They wanted to again monitor my ovaries close to watch for signs of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. It was another $3,000 for all the medications.

I had asked the doctors for a different birth control, letting them know that I was affected badly from the previous kind I was on. They were very willing to change birth control, and it did seem to help. I still had my bad days, but the crazys weren’t as intense.

I had talked with Alice to make sure she was really okay with trying again. She seemed very grateful to give it another shot. Well, several of them actually, lol! Another three weeks of injections, several times a day, for both of us…..

Loving My Ovaries

As my ovaries returned back to normal size, I could still feel that they weren’t strong. It was like they were begging me for help…I didn’t know what they needed, but I had recognized a pattern that I tend to do with my body. When something doesn’t work perfectly, I unconsciously generate negetive thoughts and feelings towards it. I am becoming more aware of it, and I’m wanting to love my body for what it does do for me.

As I recognized and became conscious of the negetive energy I was sending my ovaries, (because I thought they failed me), I immediately knew that I needed to change what I was doing, thinking, & feeling. I began appreciating them for going thru what they did, and for being strong enough to go thru it again. I sent them lots of love and gratitude.

I instantly noticed a difference in how I felt, and how my poor little ovaries felt.

By this time, I didn’t have a whole lot of time before we could start another cycle of medications. Alice and I had been on birth control again for about a month and a half. I had another vaginal ultrasound to see if my ovaries were ready and back to thier normal size, so we could start the fertility injections again.

My ovaries felt fragile, but according to the doctors, I was ready. I was anxious to start again, in hopes that this would be it. I was very excited to get my surrogate mother pregnant.

Will there be Enough Eggs (Follicles)?

After two weeks of shots, we were ready for our ultrasounds. Alice’s uterus looked amazingly beautiful, as the doctors put it.
My first ultrasound showed only a few eggs (follicles). I didn’t know what to expect, and immediately started stressing. They reassured me, that it looked very normal for the first ultrasound. I went home and tried to imagine more eggs developing in my healthy ovaries.

The next day, I went back hoping for some miraculous change. There was only one more egg:( The doctors seemed a little confused as to why my ovaries were not responding to the medication like they had hoped…..They wanted to give it two more days.

The third ultrasound was about the same, only now the few eggs that were healthy and big, started getting too big. They were nervous that the eggs would die, and there wasn’t enough middle-sized eggs. I had five good eggs, and they didn’t want to wait another day, for fear of losing the ones I had….

It was time to make a decision…..We could either go ahead with the process and risk losing all of the eggs. If none of our embryos survived, we would be completely out of money, and have to come up with about $25,000 again, which meant that the $25,000 that we had to pay up front, would be gone. OR we could stop the process and try again in a few months….

I was devastated! Why weren’t my ovaries producing what the doctors thought they should? I had heard from several sources, that after a partial hysterectomy, I would lose my ovaries within 3 years. It had been almost 3 years!!! Were my ovaries dying? Did that mean I could never have a baby through surrogacy? All this hard work, time, money & engergy spent, for nothing!!!? I knew it! I knew something would be able to stop us from achieving our dreams…..I felt like a failure…It was my fault once again, that we couldn’t have anymore children.

My mind began to find that familiar dark hole. I immediately confronted the doctors with the many questions running through my mind….They reassured me that my ovaries appeared to be very healthy and that having a partial hysterectomy, didn’t necessarily mean that my ovaries would die in 3 years.

I was slightly comforted, but I was still not convinced that there wasn’t something wrong with my ovaries.

We’re Making a Baby!/So Many Details

It took about two and a half months to get all the preliminary work done. Now we could actually start the invitro-surrogate process! We’re mak’n a baby!!!

Alice & I had been on birth control for a few weeks, and would be able to start the fertility injections in the next week. We had another appointment with the infertility center to discuss the plan in great detail. We each had our own special medication that would work with our bodies to create the perfect environment for embryos to be created and transferred safely.

Alice’s injections assisted her body in thinking that it was already pregnant. Her uterus would become thick and healthy, so when the embryos are transferred and placed in her uterus, they can attach to an environment created especially for them.

My injections assisted my ovaries in producing several large eggs. When a woman naturally ovulates, she normally releases one egg. They wanted me to produce and release 8-12 large eggs. WOW!

Example: When the eggs are taken out and fertilized, only about 1/3 of them survive. So if 9 eggs are made, only 3 would survive. Those 3 embryos, because now they’re fertilized with the sperm, are transferred in the uterus, and usually only 1/3 of those survive. So you can see why it’s so important to gather so many eggs to begin with. The eggs also have to be mature. Some of the eggs produced, aren’t mature enough to use.

It was more than a delicate situation, and God absolutely had to be the One overseeing every single step.