Putting my blog on hold for a min.

I have been enjoying my new baby so much, and I’ve try to still find time for my beautiful daughter and wonderful husband, which has been challenging.

I need to put my blog on hold for a while, and I’ll have to catch up on it later.

Thanks for all your support on this. It has truly been an amazing journey!

My Trusted OB Is Leaving!!!/Learning To Trust Again

We saw our OB doctor yesterday. He checked Alice to see how far she was dilated. He said, “Um.. I’ll give you a 1 if you want”. She’s maybe a 1 on dilation and not effaced at all! What? I thought she would at least be a 3…???

The important one, Baby mamma, said, “I won’t be surprised if I go over, I feel too good!”
Well, as long as she is comfortable and content, then I’m great waiting a little longer. Hopefully, she can stay comfortable until her and baby are ready.

Dr. Draper said he wouldn’t be surprised if she was still pregnant when he got back in town. He also told us that, being selfish, he really hoped that Alice would still be pregnant so he could be there.

Back in town!!! What the hell did that mean? Our OB, kindly let us know that he was going to be leaving out-of-town ON our due date, and wouldn’t be back for nine days. What the hell kind of timing is that!!

My mind started spinning in way too many directions. A lot could happen!…. I needed him there!!!
Having Dr. Draper at the delivery, was of the utmost importance to me!!! It is a MUST!!!

I tried to talk him out of going, but unfortunately, it was work related and he had to go. He reassured me that he would communicate to the OB team all the birth plan details, as well as the legalities of the unique surrogacy situation. He told me that the most important things, was for baby mamma and my baby to be safe, and that they would be under great care.

Nothing he said comforted me at all! I could not believe this was happening. Why is this such a big deal?? I felt frantic!!!

After we left, I was able to talk to Alice about it. She’s such an amazing support for me!
I realized that the desperate feelings of needing him there, was coming from my previous experience with my hysterectomy.
After my hysterectomy, I had a lot of thoughts about whether the doctors did everything they could to save my uterus.
Because I knew Dr. Draper, and I KNEW that he did everything he could to save it, those thoughts were alot less intense and didn’t have the power to completely drown me in my sorrows. I had a great relationship with him during my pregnancy with Destynee, and after that, he continued to be an important source of support for me.

I only had the hysterectomy experience to compare to this experience, and I felt scared that another doctor wouldn’t do everything they could to make this experience great.

Well, once again I could not control the situation and got another opportunity to put my trust in God. I knew that He would handle it, and asked that He would allow whatever was in the best interest for everyone involved to happen.

10 more days!!! Jeeze! I am so READY!!! On the other hand, that would mean Dr. Draper would be there, sweet!!! We’ve been working on this pregnancy since June `09, so what’s one more week or 10 days……We can do this!

I Want To Nurse My Baby/Started Pumping

I want to nurse my baby, and the lactation specialist that I’m working with told me I had a good chance of making it happen!!! She said I should start getting drops of milk in by two weeks. I am amazed that it’s even a possibility!

I’ve been taking lots of herbs (fenugreek, blessed thistle, mother’s milk tea, alfalfa, red raspberry tea) for over four weeks now, and started on a medication (Reglan) a week ago.

I’ve also been pumping for over three weeks now 8-10 times a day, every two hours for 15-20 minutes each time. Ouch! Oh my hell, ouch!
And nothing, no milk!

What the heck am I doing wrong? My baby’s due tomorrow, and I don’t have any milk for him….

I’m really trying not to stress about it, cuz I know that doesn’t help at all. I just wish I was getting something out, anything at all would at least let me know that I have a chance.

I don’t know if I should give up or wait and see if my baby, the real thing, can help bring it in…????

More Contractions!!!/Daddy’s Tender Heart

Alice hadn’t had any more contractions since last Friday, but last night, she finally started up again. She said they were lasting a minute and every 10 minutes apart, SWEET!!

Is this it?? Gordon and I spent the night getting legal requirements ready, and getting the bag packed for the baby. I was surprisingly calm, but daddy, Gordon, was having some serious anxiety. I kept trying to figure out why he was so anxious, cuz I thought everything was going smooth, and Alice said she was comfortable.
He finally said, “Last time we had a baby, things didn’t go smooth at all. You were out of it, but I remember a little too clear.” …..
Because our baby mamma was an hour away, Gordon felt even more like he couldn’t know that Alice and the baby were okay.

I just listened and tried to comfort him. I could completely understand where he was coming from. It was cute to see him so concerned.

This morning, I talked to Alice. She said the contractions stopped last night. I’m glad the contractions stopped if it’s not the day, so she can stay comfortable. Whenever baby mamma and baby are ready.

We have an appointment with our OB, Dr. Draper today, and he might want to check her!!! How exciting!!
WOW! Time’s flying.

We’re Almost There!!!/39 Weeks/Starting Some Contractions!!!

Okay, back to the surrogacy pregnancyNOW!!!

We are 39 weeks and some change!!!

Last Friday, Dan, Alice, Gordon, and I took our girls to Jungle Jim’s. It’s like a mini-mini lagoon, for small kids. I couldn’t believe Alice was going. Less than a week away from being due, and she’s still partying like a rock star. Gordon jokingly tried to get her on one of the rides to put her into labor. lol

Of course she never got on any ride, but she thinks she might have overdone it. That night around 11:00, she started having some contractions, three minutes apart!!! She said they didn’t last very long, maybe just over an hour. But freakn’ exciting!!!

Natural Birth or Epidural?

So, from the beginning of the pregnancy, Alice has been planning on getting an epidural. Nothing is set-in-stone, but we both want a great experience and are willing to do what it takes to get it. Since we have been going to the hypnobirth class, I could feel that Alice was leaning more towards a natural birth. I know her personality.

At first I didn’t want to talk to her about it, in hopes that I was either making stuff up in my head or that I could talk her into an epidural when it came down to it. As we learned more about hypnobirth and I accepted the fact that she is not me (HAHA), I realized, she would be amazing at it.

At our last class, I mentioned in a sort of question, that I could sense that she was focusing on and planning to have it natural if things could go that way. I looked at her, she smiled and said, “ya, definitely”. Deep down inside, I have always wanted to try a natural birth, so I can respect her wanting to experience that too. I’m so excited to be a part of it!!!

Planning the Birth/Communication

It seems like each hypnobirth class becomes easier. I don’t feel as awkward, and I feel like I’m in the right place. It’s only as awkward as you make it, right?

I feel more and more comfortable about how the birth is going to go. I think just being able to discuss what Alice and I, do and don’t want, has been extremely helpful. Until now, I have only had my crazy mind to assume how it’s going to go, what I’m going to do, how I can support her, and if she’s going to be okay.

Alice is easily able to go with the flow. I am a big communicator, and an even bigger planner. Lucky, she knows this about me, and is very willing to discuss and plan to my heart’s desire. If it’s something that she’s not sure about how she will feel or what she will need, she simply says, “I’m not sure, I will let you know when it comes up”. Living in the moment!, I am definitely learning a thing or two from her:)

Name For Baby

Sometimes I wonder if finding the perfect name for a child is one of the hardest things to do. It can be something they love or hate about themselves. Your name doesn’t identify who you are as an individual, but to some it can feel like that. He can always change it if he wants, right?
Well enough mumbo, jumbo……

Gordon Metallik!..or Gordon Metallic! is his name for now. Until we see his gorgeous face, we can’t be sure, but he has a name!!! We’re not sure how we want to spell it yet..?

Destynee has been walking around the house saying, “Metallik, Metallik”. She says she likes the name, and “it’s just like daddy!!!”

Timing Is Everything….

Do we tell this baby how he really got here? There is no way to know how he will take it, what will be the best time or the best way to tell him. What a unique life story to tell, will he see the miracle in his life, and love to brag about how special he is, or somehow feel less important or different? Will he think that he’s less than big sister because, “mommy didn’t carry me”? Will he somehow feel like we treat him different than Destynee? Do we keep it a secret, and let him assume that his own mom carried him? Secrets don’t last, then he may feel betrayed.
I never want to keep anything a secret….Especially something so miraculous! As children, we all make up stories in our heads about life and what it’s all about.

As Gordon and I discussed all the options, we decided, that first and formost, there would be no secrets, period! Second, that our child has every right to know what a miracle he is, and about the people who love him and made his life possible. It is his life, right? Not telling him would be denying God’s hand in his life. We decided that we are absolutely going to share that part of his life with him, after all, he choose his path.

I have to be okay with the fact that I cannot controll how he will choose to take it. As his parents, we will do everything we know to support him in having this be a great experience for him.

Now the only question is, when do we tell him, so that he will fully understand, without feeling overwelmed?

Any thoughts???

Our Three Girls

Part of the decision to begin this surrogate journey, was to make sure it would be a great experience for everyone involved. Dan and Alice have 2 1/2 year old twin girls, and I have my 3 year old daughter Destynee. It was very important that we timed it just right; that the three girls were old enough, that the pregnancy (for Alice), and having a baby (for me), would not take away from the care and attention that the girls needed from their mommies. It is also important they eventually know the truth, when they are old enough to understand the whole process and see the gift in it.

The three girls are still young enough to be okay with the process, and hopefully won’t be emotionally effected. By talking to all three of them about it, and preparing them for the reality of it, we are hoping that the twins won’t have to wonder, “why their mommy is giving away their baby?”, and for Destynee, “why mommy can’t have her own baby?” They all three seem to be very okay with what’s going on up to this point, and there doesn’t seem to be any confusion in thier minds about it.

Destynee seems to understand enough to be very excited and vocal about it all. She always talks about our baby boy, and about being a big sister. “When he gets big enough, he’s going to pop out of Alice’s belly. I’m going to help my mommy take care of him.” She asks A-Alice if she can feel the baby, and seems to be very comfortable with it.