Dreams/Seeing Through To My Baby

Baby mamma had a dream the other day. She said she could see through her belly and see my baby. She could see his fingers, toes, and all the details of his cute little face! He had lots of dark, black hair, and she said he was smiling, almost looked like a giggle. So damn cute!!!

Of course he was smiling, he’s so content to just keep hanging out in this blissful, warm, safe, loving environment. Who can blame him?

Alice said the dream reminded her of an Anne Geddes’ picture, and she gave me a great idea for one. She wants me to find some cute see-thru material, and put my baby under, folded up, as if he were in my belly. That is, if he ever gets here. 🙂

If I can’t actually be pregnant, why not pretend?

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Drops of Colostrum!!!

I asked God out of completely desperation and frustration, to give me any sign that all my pumping and hard dedication was not in vain. I needed to know that I had a chance of nursing my baby.

After almost four weeks of taking several herbs, a drug, manual expression, and pumping every two hours, I finally got drops of colostrum!!!! 🙂

I usually can get a drop when I express manually, and one or two drops out with each pumping session.
It’s a start! WAHOOO!!!!

My Trusted OB Is Leaving!!!/Learning To Trust Again

We saw our OB doctor yesterday. He checked Alice to see how far she was dilated. He said, “Um.. I’ll give you a 1 if you want”. She’s maybe a 1 on dilation and not effaced at all! What? I thought she would at least be a 3…???

The important one, Baby mamma, said, “I won’t be surprised if I go over, I feel too good!”
Well, as long as she is comfortable and content, then I’m great waiting a little longer. Hopefully, she can stay comfortable until her and baby are ready.

Dr. Draper said he wouldn’t be surprised if she was still pregnant when he got back in town. He also told us that, being selfish, he really hoped that Alice would still be pregnant so he could be there.

Back in town!!! What the hell did that mean? Our OB, kindly let us know that he was going to be leaving out-of-town ON our due date, and wouldn’t be back for nine days. What the hell kind of timing is that!!

My mind started spinning in way too many directions. A lot could happen!…. I needed him there!!!
Having Dr. Draper at the delivery, was of the utmost importance to me!!! It is a MUST!!!

I tried to talk him out of going, but unfortunately, it was work related and he had to go. He reassured me that he would communicate to the OB team all the birth plan details, as well as the legalities of the unique surrogacy situation. He told me that the most important things, was for baby mamma and my baby to be safe, and that they would be under great care.

Nothing he said comforted me at all! I could not believe this was happening. Why is this such a big deal?? I felt frantic!!!

After we left, I was able to talk to Alice about it. She’s such an amazing support for me!
I realized that the desperate feelings of needing him there, was coming from my previous experience with my hysterectomy.
After my hysterectomy, I had a lot of thoughts about whether the doctors did everything they could to save my uterus.
Because I knew Dr. Draper, and I KNEW that he did everything he could to save it, those thoughts were alot less intense and didn’t have the power to completely drown me in my sorrows. I had a great relationship with him during my pregnancy with Destynee, and after that, he continued to be an important source of support for me.

I only had the hysterectomy experience to compare to this experience, and I felt scared that another doctor wouldn’t do everything they could to make this experience great.

Well, once again I could not control the situation and got another opportunity to put my trust in God. I knew that He would handle it, and asked that He would allow whatever was in the best interest for everyone involved to happen.

10 more days!!! Jeeze! I am so READY!!! On the other hand, that would mean Dr. Draper would be there, sweet!!! We’ve been working on this pregnancy since June `09, so what’s one more week or 10 days……We can do this!

I Want To Nurse My Baby/Started Pumping

I want to nurse my baby, and the lactation specialist that I’m working with told me I had a good chance of making it happen!!! She said I should start getting drops of milk in by two weeks. I am amazed that it’s even a possibility!

I’ve been taking lots of herbs (fenugreek, blessed thistle, mother’s milk tea, alfalfa, red raspberry tea) for over four weeks now, and started on a medication (Reglan) a week ago.

I’ve also been pumping for over three weeks now 8-10 times a day, every two hours for 15-20 minutes each time. Ouch! Oh my hell, ouch!
And nothing, no milk!

What the heck am I doing wrong? My baby’s due tomorrow, and I don’t have any milk for him….

I’m really trying not to stress about it, cuz I know that doesn’t help at all. I just wish I was getting something out, anything at all would at least let me know that I have a chance.

I don’t know if I should give up or wait and see if my baby, the real thing, can help bring it in…????

More Contractions!!!/Daddy’s Tender Heart

Alice hadn’t had any more contractions since last Friday, but last night, she finally started up again. She said they were lasting a minute and every 10 minutes apart, SWEET!!

Is this it?? Gordon and I spent the night getting legal requirements ready, and getting the bag packed for the baby. I was surprisingly calm, but daddy, Gordon, was having some serious anxiety. I kept trying to figure out why he was so anxious, cuz I thought everything was going smooth, and Alice said she was comfortable.
He finally said, “Last time we had a baby, things didn’t go smooth at all. You were out of it, but I remember a little too clear.” …..
Because our baby mamma was an hour away, Gordon felt even more like he couldn’t know that Alice and the baby were okay.

I just listened and tried to comfort him. I could completely understand where he was coming from. It was cute to see him so concerned.

This morning, I talked to Alice. She said the contractions stopped last night. I’m glad the contractions stopped if it’s not the day, so she can stay comfortable. Whenever baby mamma and baby are ready.

We have an appointment with our OB, Dr. Draper today, and he might want to check her!!! How exciting!!
WOW! Time’s flying.

We’re Almost There!!!/39 Weeks/Starting Some Contractions!!!

Okay, back to the surrogacy pregnancyNOW!!!

We are 39 weeks and some change!!!

Last Friday, Dan, Alice, Gordon, and I took our girls to Jungle Jim’s. It’s like a mini-mini lagoon, for small kids. I couldn’t believe Alice was going. Less than a week away from being due, and she’s still partying like a rock star. Gordon jokingly tried to get her on one of the rides to put her into labor. lol

Of course she never got on any ride, but she thinks she might have overdone it. That night around 11:00, she started having some contractions, three minutes apart!!! She said they didn’t last very long, maybe just over an hour. But freakn’ exciting!!!

Gett’n Ready/Washing All the Baby Outfits

Today we get to wash up all the fun clothes we got from our shower! And fill up the wap’n two drawers that I have for the new baby.

My sisters all like to just pass around the big stuff for babies, like swings, bouncers, bassinets, etc. We do that, because first of all, who wants to store all of that big equipment when you’re not using it, and hard to buy all of the big stuff when you’re only having a few kids, like me. It has made it very nice and convenient for all of us. And now it’s my turn, how fun!!!
I now have everything except a bouncer and toys.

When we bought a car-seat, stroller, and play ‘n pack for Destynee, I wanted to get a color that we could use for either boy or girl. It’s green with little lambs all over it. So I already have all that too!!

All I need to do now, is pack my diaper bag so it’s ready for the hospital. Wahoo!!! Here we come! Well, any day now!

Baby Shower for Gordon Metallic

I took Destynee, and told her she got to unwrap all of Tal’s presents because he couldn’t unwrap them. She was absolutely loving it!!!, that is for about ten presents. I think once she realized that most were just clothes, and that they weren’t for her, which I pre-warned her about, she slowly began to lose interest….

We had so much fun, and it turned out so perfect. I’m so excited to go through all the outfits again! It’s fun all over again.

Two of my cousins were so amazingly thoughtful, and brought Destynee a garanimals matching game. She thought that was pretty cool! We’ve already played it seven times today!

Thank You Everybody!!!

Baby Gordon

So as you know, we are planning to name our baby, Gordon Metallic. We have been calling him Tal, because that’s what Destynee started calling him and I love it!

Alice and her twin girls, call him, Baby Gordon. She says it helps her identify him with his daddy, Gordon, and helps her remember that it’s our baby.

It’s amazing to me how much everything works out so perfectly, even down to his name!

38 Weeks/Counting Down!!!

Our 38 week ultrasound was yesterday. The doctor guessed that he’s about 8.4 lbs right now, which in two weeks, he could be 9.4 lbs. What a chunky, monkey! He is so big, that the ultrasound was hard to make out anything.

Metallic already knows how to be a good little boy. He turned, face down, and is head’n down & out. Sweet!!
What an angel!
And Alice’s body, amazing!!! It knows just what to do to get ready for a beautiful birth!

She was so relieved to know that he had turned. I am so excited for her to have the exact labor & birth that she wants! She had her twins early at 29 weeks, and she had to have a c-section. She’s excited to have a different experience.

Two weeks left!!! Pretty much any day now, I will be holding my little stud!!!