What’s Going On???/The Crazys

Alice had to get back to her girls and I had to go to work, so we all left right after. It felt awkward to all of us. I felt like I was leaving my baby.

Gordon asked if he could take me to breakfast and talk about everything before I went to work. He could see that I needed to talk. He was so sensitive to my needs, and so sweet to listen to my crazy thoughts and feelings.

I couldn’t figure out why there was only one, and why I was even slightly disappointed about how many babies there were. Why couldn’t I just be thrilled that we were pregnant. A flood of guilt drenched me for having the thought. What was my problem??? I could have thought myself to death and Gordon knew it.

I was able to talk to him and get clarity about it.
Of course I wasn’t disappointed that there was only one. What a miracle in itself!!!
I found myself still stuck in the process, the detail, the work of it all. I couldn’t just BE with it. My disappointment came from doing all this unnatural, unpleasant, and painful stuff, trying to get her pregnant. I wanted a two for one deal, right?….. Once I realized how fucked up my thought process had been, I immediately got back into my heart and instantly became ecstatic that we were going to have another beautiful healthy baby. YAY!!!

Gordon insisted out of pure excitement, that he wanted to send out a mass text. “We’re going to have a baby!!!” What a gem!!!

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