The Possibility of Surrogacy/The Beginning

I had settled into the reality of Destynee being our only child. I became less and less affected by my surroundings relating to pregnancy and babies. Although, I would gladly welcome another baby/child, I was very content with what I had.

In the mean time, I had a few people tell me that they would love to have a baby for me, but for whatever reason, it wouldn’t work in their life or they didn’t know if they really could. I felt their love in the gesture, but it was like a closed wound that would re-open each time it was mentioned. The more they talked about how awesome it would be, “IF IT COULD HAPPEN”, and I knew it wasn’t going to, it was as if lemon and salt were being poured into the wound.

My sister, Alice, came to me about 2 years after my hysterectomy, and told me she wanted to be my Surrogate Mother. I could see the seriousness in her eyes, that I had not seen before. It scared the living shit out of me. I told her that she didn’t know what she was talking about, that she needed to think about it in every detail for at least a year, and then maybe we could talk about it…..She probably thought I was a lunatic!!!
And maybe I was???? I wasn’t about to get my hopes up……I was terrified to go back to that obsessive, consuming, dark place again. I was happy right where I was!

She looked at me very understanding and intently, and said, “ok, I will”.

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