Surrogacy/Fostering/Adoption

From the time Destynee was about 18 months-2 1/2 years old, we were exploring our options to expand our family.

I had found a surrogacy center in California that had been around for decades, the laws were very supported, and it looked like a great place. Surrogacy laws in most states had not been supported, and Utah was one of those. I contacted a staff member who was very helpful in answering all my questions and keeping in touch with me. The process is very involving, and extremely expensive ($70,000-100,000).

We loved the idea of having our own genes; a baby that would look like mom or dad. We knew that something about surrogacy felt right, but we couldn’t find a way to make it possible…. So we decided that timing was everything, and that we would wait to see if the way might open up for us later.

We discussed being foster parents to children in need of a loving environment. We interviewed an agent, and found out what we would need to do. Unfortunately, in order to foster, one parent has to stay home full-time. I was working 2 days a week at the time, and we felt that both of our jobs were too unpredictable to commit to something so important. We put it on the shelf for awhile, and decided it might work better for us when our own daughter was older and our jobs were more stable.

Gordon and I talked about adoption. Neither of us personally knew anyone with any experience around the topic, so it seemed intimidating to us both. I did some research on adoption, what it would take, the process, and the finances. I found a few success stories, but mostly, horror stories. The legalities of it didn’t sound very fool-proof. I read about several couples that, after years of waiting for a baby or child, would finally get what they had always dreamed about; then, years later, one of the biological parents, or even the grandparents, could come back and take the child away…….I could never deal with such an unjust system. I couldn’t imagine having that worry, hang over my head every day. Both of us were not comfortable enough to want that in our lives.

The other big concern we both had as parents, was that we couldn’t be absolutely positive that our adopted child would be treated the same as other children in our extended family. We wouldn’t know what to do if one of our children was looked at or treated any differently. Both of us agreed, that at this time in our life, adoption was not the right choice, but that we wanted to stay open to every and all possibilities.

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