Mommy & Gordon Metallic
We Love Our Little Brother
Our Expecting Addition to Our Family & Our Wonderful Baby Mamma! 
At our sibling retreat, I got my sister, Stacey, to take some family pictures of us. They turned out so cute, and of course, we had to add humor in the mix. 
Dan and Alice Comparing Bellys
During the next few weeks, I’m going to flip back and forth from the start of the surrogate process to NOW. I will let you know where we’re at. Here it goes.
I got back from the 10 day Vipassana meditation sit, WOW! It was intense. A few days after we got back home, I started noticing how calm and peaceful I was. Things that would regularly set me off, didn’t seem to bother me at all. Magically my perception on several things in my life began to change. What a great experience!
We were actually gone for two weeks including travel time. Our car broke down the first night. We got stuck in this tiny town in the middle of nowhere. The people were very nice, but they didn’t have many resources. It took us about 12 hours to get our car back on the road. And you can imagine with 8 women how that went……..
Anyway, while I was gone, it was completely torturous to be without my husband and daughter. Even harder, was the fact that my unborn baby could come at anytime. I was not able to contact her or Gordon to make sure everything was okay. Gordon checked on her every day, and had an emergency number if he needed to contact me. He even took Alice flowers. What a stud!!! Alice was 36 weeks when I got back.
Still, not to be able to call home, gave me plenty of time to make up all kinds of stories in my head. Exhausting!!!
Well, I’m back and my lil’ stud stayed right where he needed to be. He waited for his mommy to get back, and is still loving the environment he’s in. Thanks Baby Mamma!
It seems like each hypnobirth class becomes easier. I don’t feel as awkward, and I feel like I’m in the right place. It’s only as awkward as you make it, right?
I feel more and more comfortable about how the birth is going to go. I think just being able to discuss what Alice and I, do and don’t want, has been extremely helpful. Until now, I have only had my crazy mind to assume how it’s going to go, what I’m going to do, how I can support her, and if she’s going to be okay.
Alice is easily able to go with the flow. I am a big communicator, and an even bigger planner. Lucky, she knows this about me, and is very willing to discuss and plan to my heart’s desire. If it’s something that she’s not sure about how she will feel or what she will need, she simply says, “I’m not sure, I will let you know when it comes up”. Living in the moment!, I am definitely learning a thing or two from her:)
Sometimes I wonder if finding the perfect name for a child is one of the hardest things to do. It can be something they love or hate about themselves. Your name doesn’t identify who you are as an individual, but to some it can feel like that. He can always change it if he wants, right?
Well enough mumbo, jumbo……
Gordon Metallik!..or Gordon Metallic! is his name for now. Until we see his gorgeous face, we can’t be sure, but he has a name!!! We’re not sure how we want to spell it yet..?
Destynee has been walking around the house saying, “Metallik, Metallik”. She says she likes the name, and “it’s just like daddy!!!”
I can’t stop smiling!!!
I feel like this experience is becoming more of a reality for me. I have felt a much stronger connection to my baby the last few days. I don’t know if it’s because I know that it’s a boy, or if it’s because I am slowly able to feel the baby. I haven’t felt him move yet, but just having my hands on her sweet belly, gives me a sense that it’s mine. I don’t quite know how to explain it. When a woman is pregnant, and someone they’re comfortable with, feels their belly, it’s like their belly is the baby. It is no longer a part of their body, and it’s not invasive to rub the shit out of it.
Well, I had a sneak peek of experiencing that for the first time. When we were at the ultrasound, waiting for the doctor, she asked me if I wanted to feel the baby. I put my hand on her belly, the baby didn’t move but I felt a sense of comfort and connection…like I could be with my baby.
I feel like I can now hold my baby without feeling like I am invading her privacy. She is so amazing that way. She openly encourages me to feel the baby, and caress her belly……my baby. She is allowing me to experience this pregnancy in it’s deepest intimacy.
I had a dream the other day:
I heard through the grapevine that Alice was having problems and was up at the hospital. It had been about four hours before I heard anything. I didn’t know what problems she was having, or if the baby was even alive. I remember feeling scarred and upset that she didn’t tell me, and confused because it somehow didn’t feel like my business.
It took me forever to find out where she was, and what was really going on. At this point in the dream, I didn’t know any details. I felt like I was panicking and running around, but not getting anywhere. (That seriously was most of the dream; you know, the dream that never ends).
All of a sudden, I was up at the hospital, and I had the baby in my belly. The doctors said I needed to carry it until Alice could get better. They said that I would only be able to handle carrying him for a week or two because of my heart. Alice was upset and disappointed that she had failed me. I reassured her that it was okay and actually a blessing because I got to experience carrying the baby for awhile. We were there for each other and comforting each other. I remember feeling him move and kick alot. It was amazing!
At first, I didn’t think much of the dream. After talking about it, I realized that all my fears were jam-packed in a long, confusing dream. Part of me, wants to stay out of her life/business. I have to remind myself that this part of her life is my life and business, at least for now. I am also very afraid of missing the birth and not being there for Alice and my baby. Obviously I long to carry and feel the baby inside me, so if it’s thru a dream that I get to experience it, then bring it on!
All the little things that have been different or weird about this pregnancy, played out in the dream. Interesting….
Last night I had the most amazing dream ever. In my dream I had my hand on my stomach and could feel the baby moving and rolling around alot so I went to sit by Jessica and told her to feel it, I was loving it cuz she hasn’t felt the baby yet. Well, to our dismay the baby stopped right when she put her hand on my stomach, what a disapointment to us both. We both went back to watching our movie and the baby started up again so without talking I grabbed her hand and put it on my stomach. The baby just kept on moving all over the place. The look on Jessica’s face was absolutely priceless. She gave me the biggest, longest hug ever and I felt like we were both going to cry.
Baby Mama
Back in March, Dan, Alice, and the twiners had stayed with us for a few weeks. It was awesome! I took advantage of the situation, and really practiced connecting with my baby. It was fun to have them so close. Plus, she is a wonderful cook.
I am continually overwhelmed by the love I feel for her and from her. She continually tells me what an honor it is for her to be able to do this for me. Although I can not fully grasp the magnitude of her gratefulness, I am constantly engulfed by mine.
I could have been very okay with all of them staying for good, and I felt sad when they left.
About a month ago I noticed that I was feeling myself disconnect to the idea of being pregnant. Guilt and confusion came into my consciousness. Why was I trying to forget about the fact that I am going to have a baby? We have worked so hard for this amazing miracle. I pondered about all the feelings I was having, and discovered that I hadn’t fully accepted the fact that I AM energetically pregnant. I had let myself be confused about how strange and unnatural this all was. What if all the strange, unfamiliar senses, thoughts, and feelings I was having, were all normal pregnant symptoms…..?
I discovered that another part of the disconnect, was the fear around the baby not making it. I couldn’t bare the thought of getting attached to a baby that I might not get to hold. I subconsciously was disconnecting to it all.
How could I disconnect to such an amazing opportunity and miracle?
A freind helped me get clear about where all the confusion was coming from. She helped me realize that we are energetically connected now, and that if I was feeling so weird, then my Surrogate Mother might be too.
I’m actually going to have my very own baby!!! Every morning and night, I put my hands on my belly, and feel and talk to the baby as if it were inside me. I really do love the thought of having another baby, and I’m excited to reconnect with my little angel.
I immediately scheduled some time connect with my angel, spend time with my Baby Mamma, and make sure they were both feeling supported.
As I sat with the vision of having one baby, I became overwhelmed with gratitude. It was absolutely perfect!!! God knows what we can handle. My heart will do way better with only one baby to care for, I can include my daughter easier with one, and baby mamma will be more likely to carry the baby full-term and care for her twins easier. And we got one!!!
Plus, before we knew how many babies we would have, I had decided that it would be too stressful for me to try to nurse twins; mostly because I didn’t know if my heart could handle being up with twins all thru the nights. With nursing, it’s harder for the daddy to help take care of the baby.
Now that we were only having one baby, I was very excited to hopefully be able to nurse my baby and have that bonding time.
After the incredibly long, hard, invitro-surrogate process, we got pregnant! We’re going to have a baby!!!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, GOD!!! WHAT A MIRACLE!!!
WE AGAIN GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE ANOTHER MIRACLE OF GOD IN OUR LIVES!!!!!!!
I am married 7 yrs. to a wonderfully supportive husband, Gordon. I have one beautiful daughter, Destynee, whom I was barely able to carry myself. She's our first miracle!!!
I have decided to add some of my experiences with my pregnancy with her.
After having an emergency hysterectomy, and greiving the hope of ever having more children, the possibility of surrogacy came into our lives.
I am an Intented Parent currently in a surrogate process, with my sister, Alice, as my Surrogate Mother. My wish is to receive and give, support and insight. I welcome comments and questions.
